Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Thanksgiving Leafy Love

Happy Thanksgibbin!
Thanks so much for being here! Thank you Thank you Thank you. I love the fall, I love pumpkins, I love cinnamon, I love apples, and leaves!! red, orange, yellow, brown, green and all the colors in between. I love leaves!! I'm Crazy for Leaves!! Soon: they buying of chool supplies will start - I love crayons, I just want to buy a box every year just so I can own perfect, pointy, good-smelly-colorful crayons - which means school will start! I love school!! I want my own first day of school every year, I want to organize my items in various corners on the top of my desk, I want my pencil box, and my crayons, pencils, and erasers to fit perfectly in my cute little box. Ok, off track this school stuff means ..... Fall is here!!! Now I can bake, bake, bake, and buy produce and enjoy harvest time, take walks, take photographs of the leaves, inhale and become intoxicated by the fresh air. Wow. But, then the dreaded Halloween ruins my fun, but just temporarliy. I guess it's all good, cause I can then eat candy, and the next day put out more pumpkins!! Decorate my home with leaves!! Then plan the giant get-together of Thanksgiving. This holiday just means food. Love It LOVE IT!! Yummmmmmmmmm...

Monday, November 1, 2004


I used to put my self worth against how "successful" and organized I was and how much people needed me and couldn't succeed without me; in my office management, or teacher, or secretarial jobs. Not in my wife and mom job.
This year that will change. Mostly because of something mom said to me..."Being a mom is the most important job there could be. It’s what I’ve always wished for you" I realized I didn't think that before because growing up we focused on me developing a career, not a family, because of the assumption that I wouldn't have kids. So, consequently having kids made me feel like I wasn't doing things right, or doing enough. But I am suddenly proud of myself for doing what I do. My contribution to society will be my well adjusted.... hopefully, kind, polite, children. And that will make the world a better place, much more so than my filing and organizing an office.
I am happywith my mommy status, and I haven't been able to say that without reservation before.
November 2004

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Offspring....On Purpose?

I have to ask myself , "Why am I doing this again?" Being a mother is basically agreeing to become someone's indentured servant for at least six years, with no pay.
But seriously:
Is it genetic?
Is it that the species exists primarially to xerox themselves? Darwin's theory of why we have children - a rage against mortality, a will to survive time - seems strangely abstract, almost irrelevant to our day to day lives where decisions get made. Who, after all, sits down with their spouse and says, "I'm really afraid of going the way of the dinosaurs, sweetie, Lets get pregnant."
This may not be the case for the argument of adoption alone. We seem to have a biological drive to connect with babies, this is true even if the child is not ours. Scores of infertile couples go on to adopt children. clearly they are motivated by something other than genetic narcissism. The very phenomenon of adoption makes it clear that there are other forces at work. We seem to need children in our lives for multifaceted, nuanced reasons that have as much to do with soul as with flesh.
Does parenthood give us purpose?
We want children in our lives, it's a big part of what we feel it means to be an adult. It's about being able to take care of someone other than yourself. It's about realizing that you're not the most important person in the world. Parenting brings meaning to our lives and expands us beyond ourselves. Childless people even find other ways of parenting -weather with others' children, their own pets, or their choice of career - which only goes to show how strong the drive to parent
What about our need to conform?
Do social pressures cause those of us to want to fit in to have children? We are human, we seek approval from our parents, our peers and society "norms" conform us.
In the end , why we have children may not matter. Why questionwhat is "natural" Maybe God created our sex drive to be as strong as it is so there would be a next generation. Maybe we were duped. :) Ah, who cares? Childrearing brings joy, pain, laughter, sleepless nights, love, worry, humor, drama, and lets face it, excitement of all kinds into our lives. Life would be boring if it was all about ourselves.
I am always surprised by the passion that motherhood has brought into my life. The real pull, though, happened for me once my first son was born. Love took over, and I never, ever knew I could love so deeply or consistently. And I was afraid to have more children, because on some level, I didn't really think I could love another child as much. I didn't think I had the capicity in my heart to duplicate what I already felt. My heart would burst.
After boy #2, the same intense love and dedication is now two-fold; but not at all too intense or overwhelming for my soul, just comforting and peaceful. I now have even a greater capacity for love. With the possibilty of a third chid in the horizon. I am within' the realm of understanding of how Heavanly Father can love each and every one of his children the very same; more than we will ever understand; More than our children will ever understand, before that is, they become parents themselves.