The Bad, and the Ugly

Here's the gory stuff, that happened over the past year or so.... maybe it will make you feel better about your life. That's kind of morbid but, Well, I live to serve.....
I wrecked my Malibu a year ago last May, then wrecked my Lumina last month. I'm fine, thank goodness. Geez, it wasn't all my fault, but it is SO inconvenient and SO "unfair!" We had another car who's block cracked a summer ago, so we lost three cars this year. The good thing is two of the three cars and the one we currently have in working order were/are gifts. So the expense is really just convenience so we can deal with that just fine. But it's like....Again?!? REALLY?!?! Why do we have such bad luck with vehicles? Then I think, wait, we have GREAT luck with Vehicles, we keep getting them as gifts!

Kevin's and I are trying for Baby #3 (Girls scare me, but Kevin wants his "Princess" so I'll be happy either way) but so far I've had two miscarriages and then a real surprise...We didn't know it but I had one tubal pregnancy that didn't show up on our radar until it ruptured. Wow that was an adventure. I bled 3 units internally, I had to go into surgery before the docs could find what was actually bleeding...no one could see through all the blood on the scans, so my OBGYN had to open me up a 5 inch tall incision to find the problem. She found the ruptured tube and repaired everything, She was able to save both ovaries and one tube. I had a blood transfusion and here I am a week later walking around feeling alive and fabulous! I'm off work for 5 weeks, and the good part is, I really needed a break from work....and I really needed to shift my priorities. I really needed to spend this time with Cameron, It is so good for me.
These pregnancy losses are disappointing and scary to say the least but we're fine and not discouraged. We can try again in 5 months or so....so we will!

Nathan had some struggles this year too....it started when he got Mono last year and after 4 bouts of strep, he had his tonsils out last November. Then we got him a snowboard for Christmas and consequently hurt himself pretty bad in January. He took a wrong turn and my beginner ended up tumbling down a black diamond run, he had to be transported down the mountain strapped to a board by the emergency team at Snowbird...(Thanks so much you guys, you were amazing!) They were worried about a broken back/neck....he thankfully "just" ended up in a knee splint and shoulder splint for about 6 weeks. But that was hard for him. Then about 2 weeks later, the Mono came back. And this with the injury made school pretty difficult and he missed over 20 days of school in a term. This spiraled him into a pattern of anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. Because this kid aims to please and he was falling behind very fast....After much encouragement from us, counseling and some depression medication and a great summer AWAY from school, :) he's doing much better. Now that we're back in school, he's doing much better, this pic is Nathan's first day of 8th grade, and he sprained his wrist two days before school started!

Nathan's whole experience coupled with Cameron potty training, and in his Terrible 3's and needing endless attention. Kevin working and in school full time, me working full time and trying to be everything to everyone. It was hard to keep Nathan from feeling overwhelmed and guilty about needing so much of my help. I tried to keep him happy and positive and caught up on school work and keep the rest of the family happy too. It was hard on me. I had two close friends going though some bad stuff themselves and I wanted to give them a lot of my attention/counseling. After that...I was just too busy for anything else, so extended family, friends, hobbies, church etc got put on the back burner, and now I can't remember what I used to do when had time to do it.

Though I haven't finished paying off the tonsils, MRI's, three of my surgeries, a ambulance ride, counseling, & medications, the bills are hanging over my head, tapping me on the shoulder, I keep telling them, "I know, I know!" You'd think my company would garnish my wages since it's them I owe the money to.
Anyway, in May....
Cameron's babysitter whom we loved SO much had to suddenly stop doing daycare, so this was a big blow to us and to Cameron, we had to find someone else, but no one is a good as Michelle was to Cameron, we miss her! Just as an example, I would drop Cameron off at Michelle's and he couldn't WAIT to go to her house, I didn't have to give him a second thought when I was at work. This was because I was SO comfortable with her, and knew she would take great care of him, I know she loved him. Now that he's in a new place, I can't get Cameron off my mind while I'm at work.

Then....At the risk of sounding like I’m in third grade and crying while chasing after a moving van...... carrying away my best friend….My best friend Allison moved to Montana.
Lame.
My other fabulous friend, Dan, moved to Arizona.
Lame.

To be honest, it was hard for me to think of all the hard stuff.... I had to ask, "Honey, what crappy stuff happened to us in the last year and a half?"

I guess that's good, I don't really like to stay upset about stuff I can't change, it's not attractive. :)

But maybe you'll understand us a bit more, and feel reassured, like we have something in common. We're struggling too! Gas prices, food prices! Medical bills! Working our behinds off and feeling like we're not getting ahead....ick. But here's something I've learned....we will make it! Don't worry about stuff you can't change, and just move ahead, PLOW ahead. Don't get in debt, Do everything you can to prepare your home and family for emergencies. Don't look back, and don't panic. You'll be okay. We'll be okay!

The Good Stuff

Good things??
Kevin bought a 250cc Scooter, see above, this is Kevin driving and my brother Jeff on the back.... and we head out on this thing as often as we can and it's a blast.

Kevin's in school again for just one more year now, so I find myself with a little more time on my hands....hence the blogging.

I had an eye surgery...a lens implant. (a good thing! I can see 20-20 with no contact lens and I can't wait to do the next one!) for those of you who dont know I have/had no lenses in my eyes since they were removed when I was 12. So I'm legally blind with no contacts in, and I have no depth perception consequently. But now I can have the lenses implanted so I am experiencing the miracle of having eyesight 24/7. It's SO COOL! I will get the other eye done in November!

We got to visit Allison in Montana in May, our good friend John came to visit us in April and will be returning in October. I went to Nashville and stayed in this amazing hotel complex for almost a week with my Mom. (Much to the dismay of Kevin...sorry babe) Our good friend CJ is back in touch with us….well me mostly because guys don’t do phones well you know, and it’s nice to have him back though the casualty was his marriage and a never ending divorce and custody battle. Poor guy, and Poor Christopher, his son, caught in the middle. I hate divorce. But I’ve never supported one as whole-heartedly as I do this one. Tells you a little about the mom huh? As the late Bernie Mac used to say, “Nuff Said.”
I love my job, because it's challenging, and I'm needed. My boss is incredible and my team is there for each other.
Kevin and I are great too. We're happy, content to be together every second of the day, and a little sad we can't be all the time. That's a good thing for a marriage of 13.75 years. :)
Nathan's having a great year so far. He's doing well in school and his teachers and counselors are really good to him and good for him.
Cameron is FUN. And healthy, and potty trained and started preschool. He's going to be 4 on Saturday and I'm sad to see him grow up so fast. Each moment with him is filled with joy, wonder, and hilarity.
My mom bought us Lagoon passes so we've been enjoying the "free" entertainment. We're about out of debt....well, except the scooter and the mortgage worth of Student Loans looming over our heads. But that's okay, we'll tackle that next year :)
We're spending tons of time as a family and I've never been more content. How are you??

glenn

K, You have to know something about me.... I am very involved in politics. I could care less about politicians per say, but I am very up on world events. I am in tune to the outside world. I never used to have a desire to be this person, this one "up on the issues" but I've learned a lot about the world around me and found that I used to buy into a lot of things that were not real. I didn't used to be this way, this one to argue about political issues, banter back and forth with my siblings about who's right who's delusional when it comes to political issues. I didn't used to even care. But someone taught me that being ignorant is no fun either.
I have to tell you about Glenn. He is a guy just like you and me. He could be my big brother, he is someone that I get. Someone who knows what I'm thinking and delivers every time with honesty and genuine innocent concern for the whole world, but even more so for his family. Glenn is an alcoholic (well, he hasn't had a drink in 9 years), but he was into drugs, had pride and egocentric tendencies and hurt people with his desire for fame and fortune. This was until he looked around one day and noticed that he had everything...and nothing. He was at the very end, suicidal, ready to leave this earth because of indescribable woe and frustration with his material world, his lack of purpose, his emptiness. But by the grace of God..."Saw the light" and changed. He found a good woman, and together they found our religious Faith, a faith that changed him and bought him purpose, direction, and real love. His purpose is exemplified by his new radio program and TV show. He is a grounded man. Faithful. He tells the truth, wants to find the truth, is a man of values, an independent. He will show you both sides and show you the way God looks at things. We need this in this time of unpredictability. He's Focused on a goal of brining us together, encouraging you to be a better person, he has a focused goal....though he'll tell you he's "riddled with ADD." His humor is refreshing. I admire him and what he has to say. He speaks to me, I feel like he gets me too. I'm aware that this is the plan, to get more listeners.....get them to connect with the host. But I am aware of those tactics, but still, there's just something about him.....
Get a taste of his honest brilliance, and you will be hooked.... while explaining our maddening economy crisis he can connect with you and show you the future, the consequences of our actions....Check him out. glennbeck.com but better still, find him on the radio. He's the third most listened two radio program in the country.

See website links for "Economy crisis explained"

Things I've Done

To participate just copy and paste in your own blog, and put a star by or bold all of the things you have done. Happy discoveries! I learned that I've had a lot more experiences then I thought!

1. Started your own blog *
2. Slept under the stars *
3. Played in a band *
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower *
6. Given more than you can afford to charity *
7. Been to Disneyland *
8. Climbed a mountain *
9. Held a praying mantis *
10. Sang a solo *
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea *
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch *
15. Adopted a child (someday I will!)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables *
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight *
22. Hitch hiked *
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort *
25. Held a lamb *
26. Gone skinny dipping *
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse *
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset *
31. Hit a home run *
32. Been on a cruise *
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person *
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community *
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied *
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing *
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke *
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt *
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant *
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight *
46. Been transported in an ambulance *
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing *
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain *
53. Played in the mud *
54. Gone to a drive-in theater *
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business *
58. Taken a martial arts class *
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen *
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies *
62. Gone whale watching *
63. Got flowers for no reason *
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma *
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp(well as close as you can get in the US I went to the museum in DC) *
67. Bounced a check *
68. Flown in a helicopter *
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy *
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial *
71. Eaten Caviar *
72. Pieced a quilt *
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone *
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle *
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person *
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car *
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper *
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House *
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating *
88. Had chickenpox *
89. Saved someone’s life *
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous *
92. Joined a book club *
93. Lost a loved one *
94. Had a baby *
95. Seen the Alamo in person *
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake *
97. Been involved in a law suit *
98. Owned a cell phone *
99. Been stung by a bee *

Instead

Instead of blue, I want to desire yellow
I want a strength in my union, not weak indifference
There is day, dusk and dawn, only night is always looming.
Rain, Stars, all magic lilting over the earth a
Magic I cannot grasp. Ever, oh Ever
Seeking my solace, peace, my guardian angel
Where is my metaphor, the soul to capture and
Protect mine and all I desire to give them, be that
There are so many questions of loss, fill this void
A chance gone, of why hast thou, be that newness
Endless need, comforting predictability, meaning
Never-ending time spinning back to me again
Is life simply searching for perfection? Not God's,
Instead; acception, sought apathy, satisfactiory rest.
Is it the sence of peace, knowing the day will be yours
Not a one owning your time, encompasing your sences
Insead I posess where I give the last drop of self
Instead It is all taken

Toddler Woes

Well, we've all been there right? Moms? Babysitters? You have been there....tell me you've been there!?!?
This 23 month old of mine has me at the end of my sanity strings.
Example of my day yesterday with Cameron, my disclaimer is that I am a good mom, and an attentive one. I was only doing dishes or cleaning up some nasty thing after Cameron when I was less than 20 feet away while these following events occured.....
He took a carpet staple right out of the carpet and purposely stabbed my mother repeatedly in the shoulder with it and said...."Ouch?"
EVERY time I fed him today he threw his utinsils on the floor. He rubbed cheese in his hair (not 3 minutes after his bath) and dumped a whole bowl of fruit loops down his front. And laughed at me. I got him out of his highchair and he proceded to take not one but two consecutive handfulls of dog food and throw them across the floor as well.
He got into my pens and tore caps off, threw the caps across the room in several different directions and wrote on himself and the closet door. - Where was I you say? I was cleaning up the previous mess.
Then as I proceed to damage control on this new adventure of his, he ventures on to the computer desk, where he climbed up on the chair, then the desk, then he found a capsule of antibiotic which I had carefully hidden. He pulled that sucker right apart and a dusting of medicine went everywhere, in the keyboard, on my desk, in the paperclips. Everywhere!!
He later pulled all the DVD's he could reach down off the shelf and attempted to open each one in in turn and take the disks out.
As I collapsed on my bed from sheer exaustion; He came in to check on me from innocently playing with his toys in the hallway, with my husbands hand razor scraping acrossed his face in the said motion. I am very suprised this didn't end in an ER visit.
Can I just say that this all happened after I got home from a long day at work. And I gave him a 30 minute bath to pass the time until the blessed bedtime ritual.

Incredible

Sometimes, it is almost beyond my comprehension why things happen, good or bad. Other times, I am completly confident in not needing to know why, and trusting that God has everything under control and there is no need to wonder or worry. It is; "Meant. To. Be."
"Everybody Loves Raymond," anyone?
In thinking about the new upcoming job of mine. I've gone through tons of emotions. Fear. Excitement. Panic. all causing me to question my worthiness of such an adventure. And I realized something today. That this is the epidimy of all of my hard work. All the years of the crappy jobs, with crappy hours and crappy bosses, have brought me to this point. This amazing place that I think....think, but am swaying to... know now, I have earned. I am here, and it's okay. I am worthy.
For awhile there, I didn't think I was, but I have come around, after listing all of my abilities, and experience in my head, and reconfirming with friends and family; I AM ready. Amazing how that works. The person I interviewed with for this job made the same decision and hired me.....DUH.
And now I am the crappy boss.
Evil laughter.

ILLEGAL Immigration explaination

A lady wrote the best letter I have seen in the Editorials in ages!! It explains things better than all the stuff you hear on TV. --------------

"Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the U.S. might try to protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.
Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house)."
According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).
If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself.
I'm hard-working and honest ... um, except for .. well, you know.
And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being anti-housebreaker. Did I miss anything?
Does this sound reasonable to you? If it does, grab a sign and go picket something. If this sounds insane to you, call your senators and enlighten them because they are stumbling in the darkness right now and really need your help." Linda Myers April 10, 2006 - New-Sentinel

I gotta new job!

This is new, and unexpected.
I almost didn't go to the interview...I thought it might be nice to see if my skills were still marketable or not. The interview went beautifully, it lasted about an hour, she had all sorts of questions for me, my answers seemed to please her, one after another, she just lit up at after every one. She and I had a great connection, seemed to understand eachother and the struggles at a place like this.
I will be the Non-Clinical Coordinator for a large healthcare facility.
The clinic has offices for 12 FP docs, 2 OBGYN's, 1 Pediatric doc and mulitple part time specilaists, an after hours Instacare, an Urgent Kids Care, Lab and Radiological Services, and a Pharmacy.
I'll be incharge of hiring, training and managing the front desk/billing/Medical Records and Call Center clinic staff. I'm the liason between the doctors and their staffing needs. My other duties will be payroll and doc schedules. all of the reception, dictation, billing, coding, patient needs... About 40 employees are "mine". Also, I'll be managing budget reports, supplies ordering, computer support, and presentation of the clinic.
I'm so excited. It's a Monday thru Friday job. 7-3. I'll be home for my 10 year old now nights, weekends, and holidays. The baby will be watched by my neighbor (whom I love) and only for 3 days a week, 5 hours or so, and he'll sleep for 3-4 hours of that.
Hubby will be off two days during the week for the baby, because he works all weekends again. Bless him.
I think life at home will be much less stressful for everyone with me there instead of my swing shift job, when everyone else is home. Working nights and weekends kept me home with the baby, but everyone else never saw me and it got crazy.
It's funny, your best intentions don't always work out like you'd hope. Turns out my 10 year old needs me more that I thought. I thought working at nights would solve all our problems. Well, it just created more. MAN!! Live and Learn.
Whoo-hoo! I feel Happy!!

The Darndest Things

Last night, in the middle of the Fourth of July fire works, Birdy craned her head around to tell us something. "What?" we yelled. "What?" It was impossible to hear. Backward-shooting stars were exploding in the sky into balls of glittering rainbow, and the noise was deafening. "I said" — Birdy was yelling now — "I don't really like to eat rotten food." Indeed.
I keep waiting for the part where the inadvertent comedy wears off — when we stop laughing, every day, about the absurdly hilarious things the kids do or say. I know it will be different with, say, teenagers. "Mom, I dented your Subaru," just isn't that funny. Although I actually just pictured Ben saying it and it was kind of comical. But tell me: Does it stop being funny?
Then there was the morning last week when we were driving into town, Ben pointing out the various trucks on the road in his sweet/pedantic way. As we were passing a Drake's truck: "There's a pastry truck, Birdy! It sells pastries." A Lay's truck: "There's a chips truck, Birdy! It sells chips. Oh — and there's a tow truck!" A long pause, then an earnest Birdy: "Does it sell toes?"
The thing is, I am forever snapping at my kids, and am always exasperated. I come after them in my awful, neurotic way with wet washcloths and hand sanitizer and sunscreen and bug spray and I ruin their lives. I nag them to finish their milk and brush their teeth and clean up the living room and be careful on the stairs and stop scratching my back with their revolting toenails. I wiggle teeth and dig out splinters and turn an appraising eye to their moles and scalps and infected bug bites and red throats. They are too loud and too wild and too whiny and too bickery and too hot to be crawling all over me like that. But still I can't get over the miracle of having them here.
There just aren't enough ways to tell these kids how much we love them.
Catherine Newman -Ben and Birdy - babycenter.com