Take a Break from Yourself

Believe me, I would like nothing more than to take a break from myself; check into the all-inclusive resort of somebody else's tranquil mind, maybe sip a few Dr Pepper's around the pool. Many of you keep diaries or blogs yourself, and so you understand how, in this particular moment in life, we're working and/or raising our children, arguing with and/or adoring our spouses, remembering and forgetting all we have to be grateful for, and there may just not be that much to say. And yet we can't stop saying it.
I mention this today because of ye olde division of labor with my spousal componant. I went on and on like a terrible screeching train that you just keep watching, and you're waiting for it to end, but there are always more and more cars behind the one you assumed had to finally be the caboose. I groaned and raged and wept and gesticulated wildly with my hands, and woe is me, and aargh, and when, at long last, there was a moment of silence, stained as it was with all of the venomous yuck still hanging in the air around my horrible ungrateful person, He nodded and said, "Okay. I'll try to dust more." Which is a good start, no? But I don't really want him to dust more. I want him to pull me into his arms at the end of the day, look me in the eyes, and say, "Love of my life, I can't believe how much you do." It's so stupid — I mean, all of us are doing so much, and he is so selfless and lovely, and I know he appreciates me. I love my life so passionately. But I'm just such a big crybaby right now.
Ben and Birdy- Babycenter.com

Goals? Nah!

I've always wondered why I HATE, I mean HATE writing goals down. For awhile, I thought it was because I am afraid of dissapointment. Nah, That's not it, I'm not afraid of anything really. I just thought goals were cheesy. Lame even. Seems to me that you can't plan anything. I learned this at an early age.
Example: I wanted to be a violin prodigy, then I broke all 4 fingers on my left hand. Whoops. 12 weeks of healing means no violin prodigy. Actually my instructor refused to help me catch up and we couldn't afford private lessons... But that was another story.
K, I'll think of a better example in a minute. Oh, Okay here's one. -I wanted to be a Radiology Tech. After much hard work and blah blah blah ...Weber didn't accept me into the program, I had a 3.85 GPA! (Demanding program. Never enough openings.) I am a good person! A hard worker!! They didn't have a waiting list; if that was my GOAL. I woulve wasted my life on trying to get into that program every year for....who knows how long? I had to let that one go. Temporarily maybe, maybe I'll go for it again someday, but it wasn't in my best interest to obsess over it. I had to move on.
So. The key to happiness lies in checking out the detours and backroads, wihout fear of changing course. Road maps for life might lead to material gain, but there's a good chance that if you follow them unquestioningly, you'll lose yourself.
It's my opinion that the most fulfilled people were also the most spontaneous and the least goal oriented. Those that took a risk, that tried something new, that just did it! Yea for them that took risks, that went against their parent's expectations. How many rebels out there that influenced the generations planned on being rebels?
"If you want to be happy and sucessful in the broadest sense; I suggest you take your nifty five-year-plan and your lifetime to-do list and throw them out the window. And while you're at it, get some air."
As I do some reasearch, I find that the most fulfilled people were also the most spontaneous and the least goal oriented. HA!
If you're good at setting goals and acheiving them and you're still not happy, check this out;
Whose goal is it anyway? Most people's goals aren't their own. They tend to be driven by society and family pressure.
When you focus on a goal, you put blinders on. You lose your peripheral vision and miss out on all the great opportunities around you.
You're always living for the future. You end up saying, "I'll be happy when..." You sacrifice today in the hopes that something wonderful is going to happen tomorrow, But it almost never does. That's what happens with goals; You're constantly chasing them. False Summits. You mountian climbers understand this idea.
You're courting faliure. You become attached to one outcome. and even of you get it, reality seldom matches the dream and all it's Technicolor splendor.
K- here's the wrap up -
Goal-Free Living isn't about being aimless or saying, "Oh, this is getting tough. I've got to stop; It's about being passion driven in the moment, while knowing you can change course, It's also about getting out, playing and trying lots of new things; you can't find out what you love to do by sitting and thinking about it, you must experience it.
Life is uppredictable, go give up control; Create many paths and play hard.
And that, if you'll excuse me, sounds like a worthy goal.

Taking a Stand on Holiday Stress

Women feel that they have to do everything!! - and that everybody would just as soon dump everything on them...and woe is me!! Not so. You can say no. AND you can distribute tasks. When you're spread too thin, then you, and consequently eveyrone around you suffers; doing less is good for your sanity and good for your own family.
Some women bring it all on themselves, to honestly, feel important. Wanting attention, you know, because their SO bogged down, with all their awful blessings! Sounds like a little envy preemption to me. Taking too much time trying to impress instead of taking care of what's important.
Confession: I have been guilty of this in the past.
I had to let a lot of things go this year; baking, scrapbooked or other homemade gifts, decorating, dinner parties, holiday outings, etc because I have a 14 month old who needs me and a 48 hour a week job and my husband and son's need my attention more than I need to get these unessicary extra things done. And it's okay. We may not get a tree up till New Years, but hey, my baby is not neglected. Yea me! This is a blessing that I will acknowledge, and not "loathe."

Love in the form of Torment

Sometimes I wonder whether I would've done this — become a parent — if I'd known. You know, Really KNOWN about this kind of love. Mostly, and obviously, I think: Of course. Don't be silly. But sometimes my love for these children feels almost like an affliction: Like my heart is within the fist of a beast, and I'm utterly helpless -and that love feeling will scare me, startle me as it bangs around inside my chest like a huge, flapping bird.

Teenage Angst

The plight of the Pre-teen
Is there a time when kids between the ages of 9 and 11 suddenly have their brains ooze out onto the concrete? Just walking down the street, home from school maybe, and blam! There it is, all kinds of brains, all over the driveway. It happened to me, and now it’s happening to my son. My sweet, gentle, adorable child who before last week, wouldn’t hurt a fly, and who got all choked up if you so much as looked at him the wrong way. But those days are gone. I wonder if there is any way to avoid this fight of hormones vs. brains, short of shipping all off the teenagers to (their own) deserted island somewhere. Suddenly I am faced with misbehavior, dumb choices, ignoring me, the oh so beautiful reaction we call “the rolling of the eyes,” the groundings, the sudden unexplained bouts of anger, the talking under the breath, the exasperated sighs! Nooooooo! Not my Boy! Take me instead!
And oh yeah....I know that I haven't seen anything yet....

Why Marriage?

Why do people get married?
I believe it is because you need someone to validate your life. Your contribution in the world will not go unnoticed. Someone is there to notice YOU. One other person knows you, really knows everything about you that you are willing to share, and even things you weren’t. Someone who knows what turns you on, and off not only chases away It is to make your life count in this big world. Your existence is noticed, and so are you needed; emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The world will never offer this, not even fame can. Marriage is this only better because, marriage is here and now.
And if you’re lucky, it will last in the hereafter also; Validation for eternity. Is there anything better than being noticed, every day?
People will crave fame and fortune because they want their life to count. But even famous people will fade into the background. And yes, even marriages fail but isn’t it because someone forgot to notice someone else? This is why human nature draws us so much towards making love, is shows you are noticed, and needed physically.
Need for validation is why people cling to their religion so tightly. It is another form of validation for one’s existence. Even if that justification comes after this life. It is a possibility that humans will cling to even if it is a dream.

Thanksgiving Leafy Love

Happy Thanksgibbin!
Thanks so much for being here! Thank you Thank you Thank you. I love the fall, I love pumpkins, I love cinnamon, I love apples, and leaves!! red, orange, yellow, brown, green and all the colors in between. I love leaves!! I'm Crazy for Leaves!! Soon: they buying of chool supplies will start - I love crayons, I just want to buy a box every year just so I can own perfect, pointy, good-smelly-colorful crayons - which means school will start! I love school!! I want my own first day of school every year, I want to organize my items in various corners on the top of my desk, I want my pencil box, and my crayons, pencils, and erasers to fit perfectly in my cute little box. Ok, off track this school stuff means ..... Fall is here!!! Now I can bake, bake, bake, and buy produce and enjoy harvest time, take walks, take photographs of the leaves, inhale and become intoxicated by the fresh air. Wow. But, then the dreaded Halloween ruins my fun, but just temporarliy. I guess it's all good, cause I can then eat candy, and the next day put out more pumpkins!! Decorate my home with leaves!! Then plan the giant get-together of Thanksgiving. This holiday just means food. Love It LOVE IT!! Yummmmmmmmmm...

Validity

I used to put my self worth against how "successful" and organized I was and how much people needed me and couldn't succeed without me; in my office management, or teacher, or secretarial jobs. Not in my wife and mom job.
This year that will change. Mostly because of something mom said to me..."Being a mom is the most important job there could be. It’s what I’ve always wished for you" I realized I didn't think that before because growing up we focused on me developing a career, not a family, because of the assumption that I wouldn't have kids. So, consequently having kids made me feel like I wasn't doing things right, or doing enough. But I am suddenly proud of myself for doing what I do. My contribution to society will be my well adjusted.... hopefully, kind, polite, children. And that will make the world a better place, much more so than my filing and organizing an office.
I am happywith my mommy status, and I haven't been able to say that without reservation before.
November 2004

Offspring....On Purpose?

I have to ask myself , "Why am I doing this again?" Being a mother is basically agreeing to become someone's indentured servant for at least six years, with no pay.
But seriously:
Is it genetic?
Is it that the species exists primarially to xerox themselves? Darwin's theory of why we have children - a rage against mortality, a will to survive time - seems strangely abstract, almost irrelevant to our day to day lives where decisions get made. Who, after all, sits down with their spouse and says, "I'm really afraid of going the way of the dinosaurs, sweetie, Lets get pregnant."
This may not be the case for the argument of adoption alone. We seem to have a biological drive to connect with babies, this is true even if the child is not ours. Scores of infertile couples go on to adopt children. clearly they are motivated by something other than genetic narcissism. The very phenomenon of adoption makes it clear that there are other forces at work. We seem to need children in our lives for multifaceted, nuanced reasons that have as much to do with soul as with flesh.
Does parenthood give us purpose?
We want children in our lives, it's a big part of what we feel it means to be an adult. It's about being able to take care of someone other than yourself. It's about realizing that you're not the most important person in the world. Parenting brings meaning to our lives and expands us beyond ourselves. Childless people even find other ways of parenting -weather with others' children, their own pets, or their choice of career - which only goes to show how strong the drive to parent
What about our need to conform?
Do social pressures cause those of us to want to fit in to have children? We are human, we seek approval from our parents, our peers and society "norms" conform us.
In the end , why we have children may not matter. Why questionwhat is "natural" Maybe God created our sex drive to be as strong as it is so there would be a next generation. Maybe we were duped. :) Ah, who cares? Childrearing brings joy, pain, laughter, sleepless nights, love, worry, humor, drama, and lets face it, excitement of all kinds into our lives. Life would be boring if it was all about ourselves.
I am always surprised by the passion that motherhood has brought into my life. The real pull, though, happened for me once my first son was born. Love took over, and I never, ever knew I could love so deeply or consistently. And I was afraid to have more children, because on some level, I didn't really think I could love another child as much. I didn't think I had the capicity in my heart to duplicate what I already felt. My heart would burst.
After boy #2, the same intense love and dedication is now two-fold; but not at all too intense or overwhelming for my soul, just comforting and peaceful. I now have even a greater capacity for love. With the possibilty of a third chid in the horizon. I am within' the realm of understanding of how Heavanly Father can love each and every one of his children the very same; more than we will ever understand; More than our children will ever understand, before that is, they become parents themselves.