Monday, May 1, 2006

Negativity + Isolation = Depression


Depression. Being down, being sad and upset. It's tricky. Especially when someone you love is under it's spell. It is like a spell, because, it seems that no matter you do, you cannot break from it's clutches.
Things are good with us. Or were... It's amazing how, when you're partner is not sharing your attitude; you are alienated from them. Or will unknowingly drag you down into their vortex of doom and gloom if you're not careful. It's difficult to be sensitive to their mood and careful of your own at the same time.
It just seems like out of nowhere: Hubby's irrationally upset. Certian things will happen to either start this cycle and/or continue it. That is; low. or no money. ... or...it could be....well.... Actually, it does all come down to that one thing. So many things revolve around money. Things you want. Things you cant get right now. Success. Fun; fun costs money.
Well, dangit if we aren't in the best darned position we can be in right now; financially, I mean.... Kevin is going to school full time (totally exciting!!) , I only have to work 4 days a week (Yea!), we have 2 working cars, 2 wonderful sweet boys who are either with one of us or with my mom at all times while we work (Thank goodness!), we're in a beautiful home (It has EVERYTHING we need)... We have a GREAT relationship, I am SO happy with us, we're best friends, we have a great time together. I mean, what else can two individuals ask for?
Of course, while depressed one hubby will see all those things another way and say, "Well, we're over 30 (barely) , Neither of us has a degree, Neither of us is making good money, Both of us have to work, and we have 2 kids that have (This or that issue ) and don't have their mom at home all the time, we have 2 cars that will break down any minute now, and we don't own our own home. "
Geez. It's amazing how a doom and gloom perspective can ruin all my favorite blessings. When he's like this, he will isolate himself, and I lose my best friend. And my husband. Then I'M all alone. I have NO idea how to pull him out of this. I never have. I can help ANYONE else out of their sad place. (I'm an excellent listener, and when asked, I give, careful, insightful and reflective advice) But not for my own husband. And, admitidly, that makes ME depressed. My real genuine concern is for him. I am fine. I just want him happy again. I know he will be soon, but how do I make this happen for him?
Is this the difference between a positive glass is half-full person vs. a "negitive" person, or is it just comparing one depressed person to one whom is not?
He is mine. My rock when I need him. Always giving me love and support and help whenever I need it. He completes me. Rational when I am not. Calm when I am upset. And usually this is switched when he needs me to calm him. But not for this. Never for this. I want to pull him out of this isolated place, and fix it all for him. And the fact that I cannot ..... is, well, devistating to me.

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